The Courtesan's Daughter by Susanne Dunlap

Author:Susanne Dunlap [Dunlap, Susanne]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atmosphere Press
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter

Twenty

Justine

I opened the door of my apartment to Aaron’s knock. He stood on the other side of it and reached his hand in to take mine. I hung back.

“You spend every day in this one small place. I don’t remember the last time you went out. It must have been months ago since you said you would walk with me! Staying here won’t bring you closer to Sylvie. Going out into the world might.”

“But to Coney Island?” That was what he had suggested. The idea was absurd to me, yet nonetheless, I let him pull me toward the door. I stopped just before stepping into the hallway. I was all dressed to go and still torturing myself with doubts. How could I tell him seeing Sylvie was in part what I was afraid of? As long as I stayed at home, I wouldn’t have to bear witness to her possible descent into sin. What I didn’t see wouldn’t hurt me. I knew in my heart it was wrong of me, that ignoring what might have happened would not make it any less true, or me any the less to blame for who and what she had become.

My greater fear, though, was that I risked encountering Alfonse again. At home, I could at least lock the door. Enough time had passed since that terrible day that I feared by now his voyage to France was over, and he had returned to New York as he threatened he would, and I—despite my first thought of moving so he couldn’t find me—had remained in this apartment, in this building, on this street, with the sole purpose of making it possible for Sylvie to find me should she come home.

It was foolish. But the thought of going out, of venturing on the subway and then a train, felt perilous. I swallowed. My mouth was dry. I reminded myself that I owed it to Aaron to indulge him this once. Aaron, who had been my friend, coming day after day not just to bring work but to sit with me over cups of tea.

“We’ll miss the train if we don’t go soon,” Aaron said. The note of disappointment in his voice nearly broke my heart. He wanted to give me this day. It would be generous of me to let him.

“Very well,” I said and put my foot outside my door with the intention of leaving the building for the first time in nearly three months, letting him follow me down the stairs and out into the street.

“It’s too bad we have to take the subway. It’s so nice out here,” Aaron said as he took my elbow and propelled me toward the station. I assumed he was afraid I would break free and run back to the sanctuary of my tiny apartment, but now that I was out, I wanted to go on. To get away. Every now and then, I caught a whiff of rich, decaying leaves, perhaps blown across the river from New Jersey, or caught up and wafted from Central Park.

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